Yaddle
Yaddle, AKA Yaddle, was a member of a secretive species of sentient green midgets whose origins are shrouded in mystery. Jedi Master Yoda was perhaps the galaxy's most famous member of this species, followed by Yingo the Nerf Brutalizer, Yaddayaddayadda the comedian, Yay! the Idiot, and Yanous the Gassy Garden Gnome. Yaddle probably makes the cut for the top 1000 most famous members of her species, but honestly, it depends on who's compiling the stats. Early Years Early on her home planet, Yaddle seemed destined for mediocrity, until she picked up the Autobiography of Yingo the Nerf Brutalizer. She had never seen anything as sexy as a Nerf, so she promised herself that she would go to Alderaan and brutalize as many nerfs as possible, and surpass Yingo. Yaddle immediately fell in lust with the beasts upon arriving on Alderaan. She bided her time, but eventually selected the nerf that would receive her first brutalization. Turns out, she didn't really have the junk necessary to pull this off. Her first (and only) attempt got ugly very quickly when the scruffy beast turned the tables and began to brutalize her. She grabbed a large stick in an attempt to ward off the crazy nerf, but he was too powerful. Just before she was about to submit, she gathered all her strength and delivered an incredibly forceful kick to the nerf's nuts. She saved herself, but was amazed at the power of her nut kick. She immediately went to the local Alderaanian clinic, and got tested for Midichlorians. She had 1138 - far less than someone like Yoda, or even that pompous ass Jedi Knight Rip Gruntle - but something magical about the number was enough to qualify her as a Force Adept, so she travelled to Coruscant, and joined the Jedi Order as an almost too old youngling. Next part of Yaddle's Life (After "Early Years", but before "Death") Yaddle, although she had only a moderate number of midichlorians, was certainly not qualified to be anything ranked higher than Jedi Robe Dry Cleaner within the Jedi Order. However, she decided the best way to the top for her was the old fashioned way. One day, while studying Nikto mating habits in the Temple Library, she saw Yoda walk by on his way to the bathroom. She was certain he winked at her (she later found out he was actually winking at Jocasta Nu) and decided to seize her opporunity. She waited until Yoda entered the Jedi bathroom, and then snuck in after him. Yoda, behind the closed door of one of the stalls, assumed that Jocasta Nu had just walked in. He gave her the all clear by customarily tapping his foot. He was surprised at Yaddle's presence in the men's room, but decided, what the hell, and let her in. Within a week, Yaddle was promoted to Jedi Master and placed on the Council. Certainly other stuff happened with Yaddle prior the events leading to her death, but few people are interested. Let's just say her life in the Temple can be summarized by three words: Spatulas, burritos, and latex. Death Six years after the Battle of Naboo, Yoda, Yaddle, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Anakin Skywalker went on a negotiation mission to Mawan, a smelly planet full of whores. The planet was riddled by gang warfare, and the Jedi attempted to help the citizens by ending the strife. Yoda devised a plan to sneak into the good graces of one of the factions, and then sleep with the wife of the gangleader. Obi-Wan and Anakin did not question the wisdom of the plan, and vowed to distract the guards. Hip to Yoda's plan, Yaddle pre-empted his efforts by detonating a small chemical weapon in an attempt to kill the woman first. Not being an explosives expert, Yaddle botched the job. First she improperly mixed the chemicals and explosives into a way-too-high concentration. Then after setting the timer, her inability place verbs in proper order caught up with her. She tried to run before standing up. Yaddle tripped over her own feet, and was knocked unconcious. She was killed in the explosion, but her force-filled body absorbed the blast and saved everyone else, including the gangleader's wife (so Yoda nailed her). Anakin felt responsible for Yaddle's death, just because he was an angsty bitch, but he got over it pretty quickly. Yaddle's sacrifice, coupled with Yoda's sexual relationship with the gangleader's wife, had predictable results. The gangs made peace, and the planet rejoined the Republic. Yaddle's body was never recovered. Negotiation Technique The method of negotiation pioneered by Yaddle and Yoda, known as the "Yaddle and Yoda Chemical Weapon Detonation Followed by Nailing the Gangleader's Wife" would become a template used repeatedly in the future by both Republic and Imperial representatives. Legacy Immediately following the events on Mawan, Yoda grew tired of people asking if it was possible if Yaddle survived the blast. Despite efforts to find her body it was never recovered, even though people looked everywhere. Not in a Sarlacc, nor on a ghost starship, nor in a black hole, nor even in a holocron. Yoda was interviewed on the holonet once and said, "Passed on she has! No more, this Jedi is! Ceased to be, she has! Expired and gone to meet her maker, she has! A stiff, she is! Bereft of life, rests in peace, she does! Pushing up the daisies she is! History, her metabolic processes are now! Off the twig she is! Kicked the bucket she has, shuffled off her mortal coil she has, run down the curtain and the bleedin' choir invisibile joined she has!! AN EX-JEDI THIS IS!!" He then farted loudly (causing Spirit of Obi-Wan to giggle) and stormed out of the studio. Years after Yaddle's death, she remains dead Lightsaber Yaddle had a green bladed Lightsaber. She basically copied the design from Yoda. Category:Jedi Category:Chicks Category:Monty Python References